20 Phrases I Won't Be Using in New York City

Happy 5-months Anniversary to me!

To celebrate one more month of survival in the greatest city of all, New York City, here are 20 phrases I have taken off my vocabulary, and I have pretty good reasons for it.

Enjoy!

1. “Can we just turn the heat on?”  - No, you cannot. The city decides when it’s time for the steamers to be turned on. And once they go on, you better get ready for strange noises and really hot apartments.
2. “Let’s go to Queens!”  - Why? Why would I do that to myself? Unless James Franco is taking me back to his apartment in Queens, I have no reason to get on the 7 train going west.
3. “Excuse me sir, you almost ran me over. Be more careful!” – Yeah, it is more like “!@#$% ^&*!# %&$*”
4. “You seem like you are in a hurry, please, take this cab.” – On the contrary, I stole a couple of cabs. To be fair, both times it was pouring and I was in a mega hurry. In one occasion, my friend’s mouth dropped when I ran in front of the cars to stop traffic with my hand and cross the street to steal the cab. The second time, the two girls from out of town that were with me were scared out of their mind when I just yelled, “Get in the cab. We are taking it!”
5. “Does this coat make me look fat?” – Who gives a crap? I’m cold. Layer it on!
6. “Look at that poor guy, he must be homeless” – No. That is a famous actor and owns the big penthouse down in Chelsea.
7. “You want to ask me a few questions? Sure!” –More likely, I had my headphones on, and I ignored you.
8.  “Let me go to Chinatown to get a pedicure.” – Learned the hard way. I feared I would never be able to grow nails again.
9. “Just throw it in the trashcan.” – The whole process of taking the trash out is such a big production. Be so mindful of dividing items correctly, or you’ll end up with a ticket.
10. “I’m craving Italian food. Let’s go to Little Italy.” – $60 for a plate of Mac-n-Cheese surrounded by tourists. No, thanks.
11.  “Excuse me sir, can I have some personal space in this 6 train at 8:30am?” – It’s more like, “Well, I see your face pores are getting better.”
12. “It’s raining, so we’ll just quickly grab a cab and go.” – Good luck
13. “An empty bench on the subway at rush hour? Well, I’m lucky!” – Sat down, and later realized that there was a stream of pee under my feet, coming from the lady across from me. Yeah, lucky me!
14. “It’s the weekend, so let’s go to Times Square.” – Might as well just go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
15. “Look at that finance guy. Such a gentleman.” – Never. Do not trust Walls Street for man hunting.  
16.  "Let’s do SantaCon!” –  Yeah, and act like an obnoxious college kid on Santa costumes throwing up at 10am. That is a reason they are banned from many bars and restaurants.
17. “I love doing my grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s.” – It’s like going to war. Do not do it unless you have been trained by an expert. You must know the store map by heart and have a plan.
18. “I can’t cross the street. The light is on green.” – Who cares? Go!
19. “Why are groceries so cheap?” – Yeah right. I just ate a $4-avocado.
20. “Merry Christmas!" - Half the town is Jewish. They don't care about your Christian holiday.

Dirty Atlanta Secrets Always Kept...

Yes, this is way overdue, but give me a break. It is not like I just got my dream job at NBC in New York City and I had to move my life in a spam of 2 weeks.


So much to write about, and so little time... because instead I prefer to spend my time smelling, seeing, and even tasting, all sort of things in the streets, or perhaps drinking overpriced cocktails, and even doing a little dating here and there. Which by the way, dating life has led me to finally believe in ghosts - but that is a story for another time.


We'll catch up... but now, I would like to say my proper good-byes to my peeps in Atlanta. There is no better way to do this, than by writing a letter to the one and only that was ALWAYS there for me. No matter how life went by, I could always count on him to find comfort. My dear apartment in Atlanta.  So, here we go!

Dear Kick-Ass Apartment in Atlanta,


I write to you from the land of the unknown.. well, it is actually known, as every map in the world includes it, but still, it feels like unknown at times.


We didn't have much time to say our proper good-byes, and to be honest, I didn't want to. I hate good-byes.


Our relationship was love at first sight. You looked so nice, approachable, cozy... who am I kidding? It was all about the size. It DOES matter. Anyways,

• I am sorry for the rough treatment you received during my friend's bachelorette party. To be fair, you got cleaned three days later right after we sobered up.
• I apologize for all the mean things I said to your walls that one time a "susodicho" broke up with me over the phone. You know I didn't mean it... actually, you know I meant it, and he deserved it.
• Thank you for not catching on fire during my cooking attempts. To be honest, I am convinced that you just liked to turn the fire alarm on every chance you would get, just to see me run, panic, open doors and fan anything I could to make the alarm shut up. I knew the drill, and my timing was getting better and better every time. Admit it.
• Thank you for not judging when I would walk around naked drinking wine. I know the windows were open and the neighbors could see, but just like I told you, who cares? I don't even know them!
• You saw friends come and go, and you always welcomed them. Also, you saw "friends" come and go, and you also welcomed them. That stays between us. FYI- I am becoming famous, and if one day you publish a book talking about lawyers, agents, neighbors or any other suspects, I will deny it all... or write the second version of the book with more details on it. It'll sell more copies than yours!  Like I said, who cares? People would only be jealous.
• What a scary situation when I thought we would get separated because a guard caught me on the rooftop in the middle of the night rearranging the couch pillows. No one said that was illegal. Was it? I swear we were just dusting off the pillows! ;)
• Last, but not least, thank you for the help when I got fired for "looking for other opportunities" toward the end of my time in Atlanta. (I still think it sounds funny.) You and the bottles of wine were very supportive. I keep forgetting to send those people a thank you card for giving me an interesting chapter to write about on my book once I become famous.

Well, you are now in good hands. My friend is your new resident, and you get to do it all over again with her. In the meantime, I will move on and create memories with my new UES gig in Manhattan.


Love,


Your Former Resident


Daniela