Coming clean about my disorder. The beginning of a journey in life.

Since I started this blog, I was struggling a little to find out what exactly did I wanted to say. What inspiration could I be and where could I find inspiration. Well, the answer knocked at my door a few months ago, and I just realized it. 

Two months ago I ended up at the ER with chest pains. After my second visit to the ER, and two visits to other doctors, I still didn't know what was wrong. Tests showed that it wasn't my heart, but couldn't figure out what it was then. One of the doctors suggested that I possibly pulled a muscle, but I could have sworn it felt like a heart attack. Either way, I found the best sports medicine doctor that my insurance would pay for, and ended up at the office of Dr. Smith, one of the doctors for the Kansas City Chiefs. I felt confident that this NFL doctor would know what to do. 

I walked into his office hopeful that this would be a pulled muscle that would get cured with ice and medicine, and I would be back to normal in a month at the most. Two hours later, I walk out knowing that indeed it was a few pulled pectoral muscles that were hurting like a heart attack. Good! I had an answer. I wasn't dying. Some physical therapy, and I would be back to normal me. 

A week after I started my physical therapy, I went biking to get some exercise in, and started to get shortness of breath, started to feel my heart jumping out of my chest, and started feeling as if I was about to get a heart attack. I tried to calm myself down, but nothing was working. I couldn't take deep breaths because I could barely breath. I couldn't stand still because I felt the urge to call 911 or rush to a doctor. Part of me knew that I was okay, and didn't want to make a third trip to the ER in less than 2 months, but the other part wanted a doctor right that second! 

After debating in my head, and freaking out, feeling as if I was about to die, I rushed myself to the doctor. An hour later, they confirmed that I had panic attacks, and was sent to see a psychologist. This wasn't my first panic attack, but definitely the strongest. The pain in my chest, and my initial worries about a heart attack caused me to be scared to die all the time.

I have a panic disorder. I suffer from shortness of breath, chest pains, nausea, sweating and severe anxiety several times a week, sometimes more than once a day. I think that I will die when I don't have control of the situation. While I am suffering a panic attack, it is hard to believe that it will end well, that I will make it out alive, and that I can fight it. The doctors have told me that only I have the power to control it and put an end to it. It will be a long and difficult process, and when I am experiencing it, I feel that I cannot make it through and that I have lost hope on what life is supposed to be about. 

I will make it through, and I will do it for my supportive and loving husband, and for my family. I have always being considered a strong person, but this has come to show me that I am nothing but weak. I want to be myself again!! 

For those suffering panic disorders and panic attacks, I will be posting my journey. I have faith and know that God is hugging me through every panic attack, and I will make it through. 

Bitching is so tiring!

"Fall in love. Not specifically with someone, but with moments. Fall in love with small things in life. Take a moment when something good happens, and enjoy it, grasp it and be thankful."

Since moving to Kansas City from Charlotte, of course things changed. I have been missing my family, friends, and just my regular routine in general. It is definitely nice to move and start over, but Kansas City was not exactly our dream destination. During the first couple of months, it was like a honeymoon with the city. We enjoyed festivals, outdoor events, new restaurants… everything was new and great!  After the honeymoon was over with the city, my husband and I realized that this was not a vacation and that this was our home now. Then, we started to notice little things that would pile up. People are not as friendly as in the South, the weather is extreme, everything is far, soccer mom’s are dangerous, we pay more taxes, we don’t have good friends in the area, our family is far, flights are expensive and longer from Kansas City… and the list could go on and on. The longer we would be here, the longer, and even ridiculous, the list would get. “What do you mean that they don’t offer Athletic Conditioning classes at this gym?”.

Something had to change! Moving to another city is not an option. Dennis has a contract with his company and we will be set here for at least two years. We might as well find a way to enjoy it.

Small changes have been taking place. We currently live in a very wealthy neighborhood, which means that we don’t really fit in. Therefore, we will be moving to an area that feels more like home. In the meantime, I really appreciate being able to enjoy great medical service in the area, fabulous spas, big shopping areas, and clean and safe parks. The perks of living in an “expensive” area, I guess. No offense to anyone. If I had kids, I would stay here so that my kids could enjoy the great school system, but right now I’m paying the high taxes just so that my dog can walk in a nice park? Not really worth it for us, but I’ll enjoy it in the meantime.

Small changes will continue to happen. But this time, we are banned from whining or complaining about our current city. Bitching is so tiring. Kansas City is really a great place, but we are having a really hard time enjoying it as we were blindfolded by our negativity.

Get the point?

Get over it. Make it a point to enjoy what you are currently doing. No matter how bad you think it is. Be passionate about everything. Little and big things. Be thankful and look at the bright side. Fall in love with moments. It makes it a whole lot easier! 

Eat, Love, Adventure Out

Dani G. 

Year 2014, Just met you and already love you!

Happy New Year!!! 

Looking back at 2013, it was an incredible year! If I had to highlighted it: 

• I got fired for the first time in my life- my position was eliminated, and the feeling was worse than a bad break up, thankfully it had a happy ending.
• I got a job at Coca-Cola, a company that I had dreamed of working at forever. 
• Left everything behind and moved to the middle of the country with my husband in Kansas City.
• Got a job at one of the biggest companies in the world, Google. 
• After many years of prayers, I got 2 new little cousins. Miracles exist! 
• I reached my goal weight for the year. Still have a lot left though. 
• I happily turned 26! 

I don't believe much on the typical new year resolutions. It's almost like setting yourself up for failure when you promise yourself that you would lose a lot of weight and become the person you have never been. What I do believe in, is taking baby steps to make changes in your life towards what you really want, and having fun! After some thinking, this is what I want to accomplish in year 2014: 

Since I will be turning 27 this year, I wanted to go with the theme: 

• 27 volunteering hours - it's good for the soul and the community
• 27 new things to try: foods, activities, sports, experiences... - working on my goal to get old and say "Been there, done that!"
• 27 pictures of yoga poses I can accomplish - a fun challenge that promotes health too
• 27 videos on my YouTube site - will work to practice my accountability and time management
• 13.5 pounds less - of course I have to keep working on my mission to get "sexy hot"! (divided that 27 in half, to be realistic on my goal)
• 1 trip out of the country - this is a no-brainer for the past couple of years already
• Become a US Citizen! This is the year!!  

I'll be blogging on my experience... here we go 2014. Bring it on!! 

Eat, Love, Adventure Out, 

Dani G.